


just a bunch of straight ass hobbits chillin on a bed while fuckin orlando bloom leers in the doorway like a creep

by itsdave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22723435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave
Summary: Dave and Karkat try to sleep.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 37
Kudos: 228





	just a bunch of straight ass hobbits chillin on a bed while fuckin orlando bloom leers in the doorway like a creep

DAVE: fuck!!!!  
KARKAT: AUUUUGHH!!!!!  
DAVE: ow ow ow  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK??  
KARKAT: WHAT’S GOING ON?  
KARKAT: WHAT’S WRONG??  
DAVE: god dammit  
KARKAT: DAVE??  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, ARE YOU OK???  
DAVE: yeah im fucking fine  
DAVE: i just took one of your fucking horns straight to my eye is all  
KARKAT: WHAT??  
KARKAT: REALLY??  
DAVE: yes!  
DAVE: son of a fuck  
KARKAT: HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN??  
KARKAT: DIDN’T YOU HAVE YOUR SHADES ON?  
DAVE: yeah i did but you fuckin wormed your way in there anyway man  
DAVE: jesus  
DAVE: i dont even know how you managed it theyre so fuckin stubby  
KARKAT: HEY NOW.  
DAVE: oh shut up you dont get to play the small horns complex card on me  
DAVE: not when you almost fuckin blinded me with one of em  
KARKAT: FUCK.  
KARKAT: LET ME SEE.  
DAVE: how is it does it look red  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: very fuckin funny you know what i mean  
DAVE: i mean did you fucking detach my cornea from my skull or anything  
KARKAT: NO, I THINK IT’S OK. IT LOOKS PRETTY MUCH NORMAL.  
KARKAT: MAYBE A LITTLE REDDER THAN USUAL.  
DAVE: ha  
KARKAT: SHIT, I’M REALLY SORRY, DAVE.  
DAVE: sigh  
DAVE: its ok  
DAVE: i mean its not the ideal way to wake up or anything its definitely not on my top ten list but i think ill survive  
KARKAT: SORRY.  
DAVE: its ok  
DAVE: cmon come back here  
KARKAT: YOU SURE YOU WANNA RISK IT?  
DAVE: yeah ill be brave  
DAVE: besides now that youre awake im hoping youll have the decency to not fuckin gouge my eyes out again  
KARKAT: I WOULDN’T FUCKING COUNT ON IT.  
DAVE: ha  
DAVE: seriously cmere  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
DAVE: thats better  
KARKAT: I GUESS THE MOVIE’S OVER, HUH?  
DAVE: guess so  
KARKAT: HOW DO YOU THINK IT ENDED?  
DAVE: haha  
DAVE: i donno man i bet-  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: wait  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: what the fuck were we even watching  
KARKAT: UM.  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD. I DON'T REMEMBER!  
DAVE: was it 50 first dates  
KARKAT: NO THAT WAS LAST NIGHT.  
DAVE: holy shit it was?  
KARKAT: PRETTY SURE, YEAH.  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: WAS IT ADAM SANDLER AGAIN?  
DAVE: no remember 50 first dates was the finale of the sandlerthon since its your favorite for some fucking reason  
KARKAT: OH YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT.  
KARKAT: SO TONIGHT... GOD, I FELL ASLEEP SO FUCKING EARLY I REALLY COULDN’T TELL YOU.  
KARKAT: FUCK, I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER IF IT WAS A HUMAN OR A TROLL MOVIE!  
DAVE: well since it fucking ENDED im gonna hazard a guess that it was a human cinematic experience  
KARKAT: OH YEAH, THAT’S A GOOD POINT.  
DAVE: boy but beyond that very educated guess just slap a yellow plaid miniskirt on me and call me alicia silverstone because i am CLUELESS  
KARKAT: PFFFF  
DAVE: hahaha jesus  
DAVE: yknow i hate to say it but i think we may be falling into something of what certain people might refer to as “a routine”  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD, I GUESS WE ARE.  
DAVE: yep snuggle up on the couch pop on the shittass movie du jour and then pass the fuck out because its boring as fuck and weve seen it a million times already  
KARKAT: BORING?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? THE MOVIES I DOWNLOADED ARE A CAREFULLY AND PAINSTAKINGLY CURATED SELECTION OF-  
DAVE: shut the fuck up karkat you cant even remember what we were watching  
KARKAT: UGGH.  
KARKAT: YEAH OK I GUESS YOU’RE RIGHT.  
KARKAT: FUCK.  
DAVE: yeah bro i think weve fallen into a rut our wagons stuck we ate the oxen our blacksmith floated away when we tried to ford the river  
DAVE: i dont think were ever gonna see oregon dude were just gonna die of dysentery in this sad ass rut  
DAVE: a rut punctuated only occasionally by near blindings and frankly thats not the kind of spice im looking for in my life  
KARKAT: HAHA!  
DAVE: dont you dare laugh karkat i could have died  
KARKAT: YOU WOULD'VE GOTTEN BETTER, ASSHOLE.  
DAVE: nope it woulda been heroic on account of how valiantly im holdin onto you so you dont go sliding right off the edge of the couch  
KARKAT: WELL IF IT’S SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS AND YOU’RE SO SCARED OF GETTING FUCKING BLINDED WHY ARE YOU EVEN DOING IT?  
KARKAT: I SHOULD BE THE ONE FUCKING HOLDING ONTO YOU.  
DAVE: no you cant karkat because i got to the couch first  
DAVE: therefore im the snuggler and youre the lowly snugglee  
KARKAT: HA  
DAVE: those are the rules man i donno what to tell you  
DAVE: its writ in stone and shit  
DAVE: old bearded dudes have diligently carved it in cuneiform with mallets and sharpened reeds  
DAVE: if we break from the sacrosanct snuggling code society will descend into chaos dude well be no better than animals  
KARKAT: OK, WELL STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING, THEN!  
DAVE: naw its part of the snuggler experience youd do the same if you were in my shoes right now  
KARKAT: IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES I WOULDN’T HAVE TAKEN A FUCKING HORN TO THE EYE AND WOKEN YOU UP WITH MY UNDIGNIFIED SQUAWKBEAST SHRIEKING.  
DAVE: ok first of all youre allowed to be undignified in that situation karkat its one of the few times where its fair fucking game  
DAVE: but even so its actually a moot point because i still managed to carry myself with poise and class ok you could learn a thing or two from me  
KARKAT: YOU SCREAMED “FUCK” STRAIGHT INTO MY EAR, DAVE.  
KARKAT: I MAY HAVE ALMOST BLINDED YOU BUT I’M PRETTY SURE I CAN’T HEAR ALL THE FREQUENCIES I COULD WHEN I FELL ASLEEP.  
DAVE: haha oh my god were such a fucking mess  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: ok  
DAVE: heres an idea  
DAVE: um  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: ok we dont have to or anything but  
DAVE: like  
DAVE: it would probably save us from any more grievous bodily harm and as a special added bonus be a lot more comfortable  
KARKAT: ARE YOU NOT COMFORTABLE LIKE THIS? WE CAN ACTUALLY SWITCH.  
DAVE: no i am its just  
DAVE: um  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT, DAVE?  
DAVE: what if we actually  
DAVE: like  
KARKAT: ??  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: lie down  
KARKAT: WHAT, ON THE COUCH?  
DAVE: yeah!  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: i mean we dont have to  
DAVE: just  
DAVE: i donno  
DAVE: the movies over anyway  
DAVE: we dont have to be looking at anything in particular  
DAVE: our eyes can roam  
DAVE: the world is their bivalved jewel container they could go anywhere  
DAVE: see the world  
DAVE: backpack through europe  
DAVE: climb the eiffel tower like they always wanted  
DAVE: get scuba lessons  
DAVE: go to india and have a really questionable spiritual awakening  
DAVE: or we could just like  
DAVE: you know  
DAVE: close them  
DAVE: and go back to sleep  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: since thats what we were doing before anyway  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: YOU WANNA JUST  
KARKAT: LIE DOWN AND GO TO SLEEP?  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: yeah?  
KARKAT: UM.  
KARKAT: OK.  
DAVE: you wanna?  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: SURE.  
KARKAT: UM  
KARKAT: HOW ARE WE DOING THIS?  
DAVE: i donno just like  
DAVE: scooch down  
DAVE: its not all that different its just like  
DAVE: horizontal hugging  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD, DAVE, THIS IS GIVING ME HORRIBLE “HUG SITTING” FLASHBACKS.  
DAVE: haha  
KARKAT: DO YOU REMEMBER HUG SITTING, DAVE?  
DAVE: yeah yeah  
KARKAT: BECAUSE I REMEMBER FUCKING “HUG SITTING.”  
DAVE: yeah i know karkat pepperidge farm remembers too  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: nothing just cookie humor  
KARKAT: COOKIE HUMOR??  
DAVE: nevermind ok  
DAVE: just  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: is this ok?  
DAVE: like with my arms around you like this  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: its not too weird  
DAVE: is it  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: NO.  
KARKAT: I DON’T THINK IT’S WEIRD.  
KARKAT: UM.  
KARKAT: DO YOU?  
KARKAT: THINK IT’S WEIRD, I MEAN?  
DAVE: no!  
KARKAT: OK.  
KARKAT: OK GOOD.  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: good  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: its pretty nice actually  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: IT IS.  
DAVE: i mean shit if were just goin by the numbers alone i think this is clearly superior  
DAVE: my necks not at a weird angle  
DAVE: youre not cutting off the circulation to my legs  
DAVE: if im bein perfectly honest i feel like those horns are still eyein me with malicious intent but at least this way i think theyre gonna stay where they are youre not gonna flop your head back on me without warning and fucking go in for the kill  
KARKAT: JESUS, DAVE, IF I KNEW I WAS SUCH A FUCKING NIGHTMARE TO SNUGGLE WITH I NEVER WOULD HAVE FUCKING SUBJECTED YOU TO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!  
DAVE: no hey shh  
DAVE: im just messin with you  
DAVE: that was nice  
DAVE: its just  
DAVE: i donno  
DAVE: this is nice too  
DAVE: i mean sleeping lying down huh  
DAVE: who woulda fuckin thought  
DAVE: do you think were the first people to come up with this maybe we should publish our findings  
KARKAT: HEH  
DAVE: this is nice  
DAVE: is all im saying  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: yep  
DAVE: im comfy  
DAVE: and thats pretty much all there is to say on the matter  
KARKAT: I’M COMFY TOO.  
DAVE: good  
KARKAT: OK  
KARKAT: WELL THEN  
KARKAT: UM  
KARKAT: GOODNIGHT?  
KARKAT: I GUESS?  
DAVE: heh  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: goodnight man  


\---  


KARKAT: FUCK!!!!!!  
DAVE: holy shit  
KARKAT: SON OF A FUCKING GRUB CHAFING GLOBE SLING!!!!!  
DAVE: oh my god karkat what the fuck  
DAVE: what happened whered you go  
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHERE'D I GO?  
KARKAT: I’M ON THE FUCKING FLOOR, DICKASS!!  
DAVE: oh shit  
DAVE: hey dude what happened  
DAVE: why are you down there  
KARKAT: I’M DOWN HERE BECAUSE I FUCKING FELL OFF THE COUCH, YOU IDIOT!  
DAVE: shh man chill youre gonna wake the whole fuckin meteor up like i dont think anybody sleeps anywhere near here but your voice right now is seriously probably carrying all the way to the next session  
DAVE: come the fuck back up here and talk to me like a normal person  
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN COME BACK UP?  
KARKAT: THERE’S NO FUCKING ROOM, DAVE!  
DAVE: what theres plenty of room  
DAVE: look  
DAVE: right here  
DAVE: this spots got your name on it  
DAVE: and apparently some of your drool  
DAVE: gross dude  
KARKAT: YEAH, *NOW* YOU’RE MAKING ROOM!  
KARKAT: WHEN YOU WERE ASLEEP YOU JUST SPRAWLED THE FUCK OUT AND PUSHED ME RIGHT OFF THE EDGE!  
DAVE: what no i didnt  
KARKAT: YES YOU FUCKING DID!  
DAVE: no way  
KARKAT: HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW, DAVE?  
KARKAT: YOU WERE FUCKING UNCONSCIOUS!  
DAVE: yeah well so were you how would you know either  
KARKAT: BECAUSE THE LAST THING I FELT BEFORE I ENTERED FUCKING FREEFALL WAS YOUR GRUBBY POPCORNY HAND ON MY FACE, SHOVING ME OFF INTO THE ABYSS!  
KARKAT: THAT’S FUCKING WHY!  
DAVE: no way bro you were facin away from me you were the little spoon  
DAVE: theres no way i coulda shoved you in the face youre imagining things this is straight up slander  
KARKAT: GOD DAMMIT.  
KARKAT: WELL WHATEVER THE FUCK HAPPENED, THE FACT REMAINS THAT I’M ON THE FUCKING FLOOR RIGHT NOW!  
DAVE: well thats your own fault why the hell are you even still down there come back up man  
KARKAT: NO!  
KARKAT: YOU’RE JUST GONNA PUSH ME OFF AGAIN!  
DAVE: i didnt fucking push you off karkat we solved that one already  
KARKAT: UGH.  
KARKAT: WELL I’M GONNA FUCKING FALL OFF *SOMEHOW!!*  
KARKAT: HOW LONG WERE WE EVEN ASLEEP?  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: 23 minutes  
KARKAT: GOD DAMMIT!  
DAVE: ok how bout this ill sleep on the outside this time  
DAVE: hows that karkat you can fulfill your destiny as the big spoon  
KARKAT: HMPH  
DAVE: cmon  
DAVE: just get up here dude  
KARKAT: FINE.  
DAVE: there we go  
DAVE: perfect  
KARKAT: WHAT IF YOU ROLL OFF?  
DAVE: oh so when you fall off i pushed you but when i do it i just rolled myself over the edge like a hot dog off the side of a grill  
KARKAT: OK, FINE. WHAT IF I FUCKING PUSH YOUR ASS?  
DAVE: haha  
DAVE: well thats easy ill just catch myself with my floaty powers  
KARKAT: HM.  
DAVE: its gonna be fine dude  
KARKAT: YEAH, OK.  


\---  


DAVE: fuck!!!  
KARKAT: FUCKING WHAT!?  
KARKAT: OH.  
KARKAT: HEY.  
KARKAT: YOU FELL OFF, HUH?  
DAVE: uh yeah i did karkat great observation youre really on top of your shit here are you sure you cant actually see in the dark bro  
KARKAT: SHIT, DID I PUSH YOU?  
DAVE: no  
DAVE: sigh  
DAVE: no i think i just rolled over  
KARKAT: I GUESS THE FLOATY POWERS DIDN’T WORK.  
DAVE: no seems like i need more notice than a split second while im unconscious  
DAVE: who the fuck invented god tier ive got some fucking NOTES  
KARKAT: ARE YOU OK?  
DAVE: sigh  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: god damn this couch is narrow  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: FUCK.  
KARKAT: MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL IT A WASH.  
DAVE: no way bro we cant let this piece of shit couch win that easily  
KARKAT: I THINK IT WON, DAVE.  
KARKAT: IT KICKED BOTH OUR ASSES.  
KARKAT: YOURS TWICE IF YOU COUNT THE WHOLE EYE HORN INCIDENT.  
DAVE: sigh  
KARKAT: WE SHOULD JUST DO THE FUCKING HUG SITTING AGAIN. THAT WAS WORKING FINE.  
DAVE: yeah we could do that or  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: um  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?  
DAVE: ok or  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: ??  
DAVE: we could always like  
DAVE: uh  
KARKAT: GOD DAMMIT, DAVE! SPIT IT OUT OR I’M GOING BACK TO SLEEP AND I’M NOT FUCKING LETTING YOU BACK UP HERE!  
DAVE: we could go sleep in my bed  
KARKAT: OH.  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: UM.  
DAVE: like  
DAVE: shit  
DAVE: i donno  
DAVE: i dont want you to get the wrong idea or anything here ok man im not like propositioning you im not like some sleazy ass dude at the school dance all suggesting we go hang out in some cheap ass motel room to “talk” or some shit  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK???  
DAVE: i just  
DAVE: ug  
DAVE: i donno man would it even be that different i dont think it would have to be  
DAVE: like we fall asleep together on this couch pretty much every night  
DAVE: in fact we have every single night for the past eight nights in a row and even before that it was like easily every three outta four  
DAVE: like we were sayin this is straight up a routine now and we were all fine with sleeping together on the couch and itd be just like that except we wouldnt be fucking risking breaking our necks every time one of us so much as shifted their weight  
DAVE: so itd just be practical i think and it doesnt have to be weird it can just be us like we normally are i mean honestly like if we just examine the logistics theres gonna be a hell of a lot more space all of a sudden like when were on the couch we have to get all up in each others business just so one of us doesnt fall off except look at me now ass on the floor like a muppet baby so obviously that didnt even work but if we were  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: not on the couch  
DAVE: we could actually spread out a little we wouldnt even have to touch at all if we didnt feel like it like if we wanted some goddamn breathing room every once in a while i think all things considered the MORE platonic move is to share a...  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: and like if its too weird you know we could just bring your husktop and start up another movie like we dont have to go straight to sleep im honestly not particularly tired anymore i think i could go for another movie right about now  
DAVE: so itll just be you me and adam sandler just three good bros hangin out itll be like at the end of the lord of the rings when theyre all bouncin around on that bed in rivendell ill be frodo you can be sam and sandler can be the other hobbits well double cast him oh my fucking GOD now i remember we fell asleep to fucking NORBIT no wonder my fucking subconscious repressed that what a piece of shit that movie is  
DAVE: yeah so itll just be you me and eddie murphy just a bunch of straight ass hobbits chillin on a bed while fuckin orlando bloom leers in the doorway like a creep but theres not gonna be anything to leer at hes just gonna get bored and fuck off to be in the pirates of the caribbean  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: so um  
DAVE: sorry  
DAVE: we dont have to  
DAVE: this was stupid  
KARKAT: NO, IT’S NOT STUPID.  
KARKAT: UM  
KARKAT: IT’S JUST  
DAVE: its just what  
KARKAT: SIGH  
KARKAT: DAVE, WHEN WE WATCHED THE LORD OF THE RINGS, YOU WOULDN’T FUCKING SHUT UP ABOUT HOW “GAY” THAT BED JUMPING SCENE WAS.  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: yeah  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: WE HAD TO FUCKING GO BACK BECAUSE YOU JUST KEPT RAMBLING OVER THE WHOLE NEXT SCENE.  
KARKAT: WE MISSED THE ENTIRE FUCKING CORONATION CEREMONY!  
DAVE: right  
DAVE: sorry about that  
KARKAT: LIKE THAT SCENE HOLDS A SPECIAL FUCKING PLACE IN MY BLOOD PUSHER AS INCOMPREHENSIBLE “GAY SHIT” YOU COULDN’T FUCKING GET PAST.  
KARKAT: AND YOU JUST FUCKING BROUGHT IT UP TO EXPRESS HOW FUCKING “PLATONIC” AND “STRAIGHT” THIS IS GONNA BE?  
DAVE: um  
KARKAT: UGH  
KARKAT: JUST...  
KARKAT: ARE YOU GONNA BE OK WITH THIS, DAVE?  
DAVE: cmon man im the one who fucking suggested it the balls in your court dude i dont know much about football but i think any sports ref would agree  
KARKAT: SIGH  
KARKAT: I’M OK WITH IT.  
DAVE: ...ok  
KARKAT: I JUST  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: I REALLY DON’T WANT YOU TO FUCKING FREAK OUT ABOUT IT.  
DAVE: oh  
KARKAT: I GUESS WHAT I’M SAYING IS  
KARKAT: *ARE* YOU GONNA FUCKING FREAK OUT, DAVE?  
KARKAT: LIKE ARE YOU GONNA WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH YOUR HEAD FILLED WITH HOBBITS AND ORLANDO BLOOM AND DECIDE THIS IS ALL TOO FUCKING “GAY” FOR YOU?  
KARKAT: ARE YOU  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT AND FUCKING KICK ME OUT?  
KARKAT: BECAUSE I REALLY DON’T THINK I CAN FUCKING HANDLE THAT, DAVE.  
KARKAT: SO IF YOU THINK IT MIGHT HAPPEN, I WANT YOU TO TELL ME NOW.  
KARKAT: BECAUSE I’D REALLY RATHER FUCKING AVOID THAT IF I CAN.  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: no  
KARKAT: NO?  
DAVE: no i dont think thats gonna happen  
KARKAT: ARE YOU SURE?  
DAVE: yeah i think i am  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: come on i just put in a fucking heroic effort to sleep spooned up against you TWICE  
DAVE: i was both spoons for you dude  
KARKAT: OK, BUT THE PREAMBLE LEADING UP TO THAT WAS SHORT AND SWEET, BY YOUR FUCKING STANDARDS.  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: COME ON, DAVE, THIS “SHARE A BED” SUGGESTION WAS A FUCKING FEAT OF ENGINEERING!  
KARKAT: IT HAD *THREE* FUCKING MOVIE REFERENCES! NOT TO MENTION THE FUCKING *MUPPET BABIES,* WHICH I *KNOW* HAS WEIRD CONNOTATIONS FOR YOU!!  
KARKAT: AND, I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE, THERE WAS A REALLY FUCKING BLATANT AVOIDANCE OF THE PHRASE “SHARE A BED.”  
KARKAT: THIS IS OBVIOUSLY FUCKING DIFFERENT!  
KARKAT: PROBABLY BECAUSE IT DOESN’T HAVE THE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY OF ”PASSING OUT ON THE COUCH.”  
KARKAT: THIS IS SO CLEARLY FREAKING YOU THE FUCK OUT, DAVE!  
KARKAT: AND HONESTLY I DON’T THINK I WANNA GET INTO IT IF IT’S JUST GONNA SEND YOU INTO SOME GAY PANIC.  
DAVE: ok thats fair i get it  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: it is definitely different ill give you that  
DAVE: but like  
DAVE: i donno arent you nervous too  
KARKAT: SURE I AM!  
KARKAT: I’M NERVOUS AS SHIT THAT YOU’RE GONNA FUCKING BAIL ON ME!  
DAVE: well im not ok!  
KARKAT: NO?  
DAVE: no  
DAVE: im not  
DAVE: i wouldnt do that to you karkat  
DAVE: and im not nervous because it seems gay or whatever  
DAVE: im just nervous because  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: i donno because its a thing to be nervous about  
DAVE: ive never fucking you know...  
DAVE: shared a bed  
DAVE: with anybody  
DAVE: have you  
KARKAT: WE DIDN’T HAVE BEDS.  
DAVE: oh my god you know what i mean did you ever share your fucking slime cocoon?  
KARKAT: ...NO.  
DAVE: right there you go its a nervousy fucking situation no matter who it is even if its your best bro youve gotten in the firm habit of snugglin up with anyway  
DAVE: but look i promise even if i get more nervous im not gonna bail on you ok  
DAVE: im not gonna go and get all “gay panicky”  
DAVE: cuz with you its not even gay  
DAVE: its just  
DAVE: you know  
DAVE: you  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: I’M NOT SURE THAT’S AS FLATTERING AS YOU FUCKING THINK IT IS, DAVE.  
DAVE: oh fuck  
KARKAT: OR REASSURING.  
DAVE: fuck fuck fuck  
DAVE: im sorry  
DAVE: that came out stupid  
DAVE: all im tryna say is i like you and i like falling asleep with you on the couch  
DAVE: youre my best fucking friend and i pretty much always want you around even when im asleep apparently  
DAVE: like just for example the only fucking reason i would ever agree to watch fucking NORBIT again even ironically is so i can pass out wrapped up with you ok  
DAVE: and ok i cant make any absolute promises im not gonna freak out like im not gonna sign in blood or anything  
DAVE: but i really dont think im gonna because its just you  
DAVE: and fuck i dont mean that in like an insulting or diminishing way or anything i swear  
DAVE: its just im so i donno comfortable with you like this i kinda cant imagine not being ok with it you know  
DAVE: i dont know if you feel like that too but i can totally understand you being worried that im gonna be the limiting factor here so im just tryna get out ahead of that if i can  
DAVE: also since were having a real frank talk here all of a sudden i think i will ACTUALLY lose my mind if i have to see eddie murphy in a dress again but i do wanna keep falling asleep with you so im cutting out the fucking middle man and also that same middle man dressed as a large lady and asking if youll just go to sleep with me in a bed like a normal person  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: not that your slime cocoon wasnt normal i just know you dont have one here so its either my bed or that pile of clothes and junk in your room which i guess we could also try  
DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: im sorry  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS NICE.  
KARKAT: LET’S SLEEP IN YOUR BED.  
DAVE: yeah?  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: I FUCKING HATE THIS MOVIE TOO.  
KARKAT: NOT EVEN TROLL EDDIE MURPHY COULD SAVE IT.  
DAVE: heh  
DAVE: ok  
DAVE: so  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: you wanna go to bed  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
KARKAT: LET’S GO.  
DAVE: ok cool  
KARKAT: COOL.  



End file.
